...I did a Good Thing today!!! Maybe that shouldnae be quite so worthy of exclamation, I mean it's not like I never do anything good... s'pose what I mean is, I did a good thing that totally transcended my big fat bruised ego's natural precedence over commonsense, decency and safety, and I'm pretty damn pleased with myself.
Been getting these mystery texts and phone calls from some bloke who wants to shag me this past week. Very flattering/creepy, and though I didn't encourage it per se (more cos it seemed like one of Ex-landlord's juvenile pranks than for any kind of sensible reason), well nosiness is my other Achilles heel and I just haaaaaaaaad to find out who it was.
Found out today - was just as I'd suspected but not quite believed. This guy:
a) is kind of tasty in a strange way
b) has never spoken to me with anything other than poorly-concealed contempt
b) has a girlfriend.
Well of course the ego did a serious series of somersaults at that one, and for a wee second it seemed obvious that I'd shag him just to cement the fact that one more person doesn't hate me (seriously... done it before...) -
- but THEN!!! Then I thought about the few chats I've had with his girlfriend (not my cup of tea, but don't have anything in particular against her)... mind how his name popped up in every single converation no matter what it was about. Mind her smug advice to me, the newly-separated mess, on how to pick up a good man. Thought how she probably does actually love him, and yeah so love's not worked out too well for me but how could I do something that would totally crush a real person, just cos I could?
Ridiculously proud of self for that one. Marched smugly up the street pondering how a few years ago I'd have just done it and bugger the consequences, then been genuinely surprised by the consequences... caught a glimse of my reflection in a shop window, and for some reason didn't look quite as overweight and badly-dressed as usual. Looked quite good in fact. Maybe the jacket; maybe I've been looking in all the wrong places for that elusive "self-esteem" thingy. Hmmmmm. Might just be growing up at last...
