Disentangled

I had a dream

2009-04-14T10:51:06+02:00

Me and Ex-Occasional Housemate were in one of they wee yellow diggers. She was driving so it was all under control on the roundabout, except it wasn't; we got squashed by a big white lorry and it was horrible.

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Long Moanday, and it ain't over yet!

2008-10-20T18:09:07+02:00

Dead hard getting out of bed this morning so it was. Dark and post-weekend murky and glrrrrgh. Cold at work in the half-built house with nae doors or windaes; even colder after kneeling in the post-leak puddle sorting it out. Now I'm camped in the library, half-dry and starting to feel all snuggly-warm-sleepy. Could right handle sloping off home to a plate of hot stew and a cuddle with my neighbour's wee dog, but now it's time for the dreaded Driving Lesson. An hour lurching about the city centre in the half-light and rain, trying to predict what any number of mad buggers are going to do at any given moment, for my sins. Oh well.

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Short

2008-10-20T17:08:52+02:00

- so y'know how people say, "a face like a duck's arse"? Well he got it muddled up and accused the lady in question of having "an arse like a duck's face". Laughed so much picturing it that I woke meself up.

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Trousers of the day: Hungarian

2008-10-20T17:04:22+02:00

"Nodrag" (pron. nod-rag)

Thanks to Hungarian neighbours for that.

(This whole trousers project isn't interesting me quite as much as I thought it would. Oh well.)

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Library blogging

2008-10-06T17:25:47+02:00

Put your fucking phone away.

Go and have your "meeting" outside. Preferably on the A9.

Stop breathing like that.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus. I need the internet at home.

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|Slighly cruel, but oh-so-quick

2008-10-06T17:19:32+02:00

Lecturer: "Did I give yez out that British Standard?"

Fat boy: "Aye, you gave it to me, eh."

Lecturer: "And what d'you do with it, eat it?"

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Trousers of the day - Austrian

2008-10-06T17:17:11+02:00

"Hose" (pron. ho-se

Apparently, it's a sort of dialect of German. Thanks to the pair of Austrian tourists who were looking for the library for that one.

( - and just why is it, by the way, that I get stopped at least twice a week by foreigners trying to find somewhere? Is it just cos there's a lot of tourists about cos this is when they get their holidays, and I do spend a lot of time in the station/bus station part of town? Is it cos I'm usually alone and therefore approachable? Is it cos I'm a bit tatty-looking, and therefore approachable? Hmmmm.)

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T-shirt of last week

2008-10-01T16:33:39+02:00

Spied at college, in white block capitals on a black tee:

BAW
BAG

Ye-es.

I should imagine you probably are.

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title-4807196

2008-10-01T16:31:10+02:00

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Tattoo of the week

2008-10-01T16:27:24+02:00

Emblazoned across my neighbour's chest in fading DIY black ink:

SUCK IT

"And how izzat funny, darlin'?"

he enquires in his smoked-out Central Belt rasp.

Oh Fraser. It just... Is.

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They wrote it for me, y'know

2008-10-01T16:21:31+02:00

" - drifting apart like a plate tectonic - "

Thank you, Kaiser Chiefs, for that neat wee summary of undone college work, a home unprepared for winter, a probably-unfaithful partner and farrrrrr too much time spent -

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Trousers of the day: Polish

2008-09-19T15:52:06+02:00

"Spodnie" (pron. spod-ney-ah)

Courtesy of Painter Mannie fae work. (It strikes me that I maybe ought to be noting whether they're masculine or feminine nouns where applicable. But start that and I'll end up all bogged down in articles. Plus i cannae be arsed.)

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Some inside info, ladies!!!

2008-09-17T16:12:22+02:00

(overheard at college)

"... 'course, you cannae get too pally wi' y'r bird's da', in case you have to give her the boot, eh?"

Dear God. I bet half the lesbians in construction were perfectly straight till they lugged in at college. Fuckit, where's me dungarees?

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Trousers of the day: Gaelic

2008-09-15T19:02:00+02:00

"Breakish"

Now, I've got two pronunciations for this one - Site Agent fae work assures me it's brekk-eesh, and he's a native speaker so he ought to know. But wee Whats'is-name fae college reckons it's breek-eesh, and he's from Skye where they've actually got an Upper Breakish and a Lower Breakish (make of that what you will), so he really ought to know too. Anyone..?

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Trousers of the day

2008-09-15T18:56:29+02:00

Wellllll, it's that time of year again, innit? Midsummer's but a distant memory; the dark and cold are closing back in; colour's fading to grey and the prospect of a bleak, endless Highland winter's drawing ever nearer.

I can feel my brain and body dulling daily; wee bits of joy, energy and suchlike closing down. My barful of happy, easy, wandering flotsam have dissipated, the big hazy welcome distilled to three grotty alkies in a caravan.

So!

I have decided to combat the descending gloom. With trousers.

The plan is, whenever I meet a native speaker of another language, I shall ask them how to say "trousers" in their native tongue, then post my findings. Spellings and phoenetics. Good, eh? Feel free to join in...

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I said it!

2008-07-28T18:21:59+02:00

"Do ya need to shout? She's right next to you."

Take that, you ignorant, trumpeting, library-infesting bastards!!!

*smirk*

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Still alive

2008-05-17T12:47:04+02:00

- aye so I moved house and haven't got the internet up and running yet. Thought it would be like losing a limb but it's nae that bad really... spend an awful lot of time sitting under the trees in my bin-salvaged deckchair and contemplating the universe instead... back at college next month so normal witterings will be resumed, for a few weeks anyway.

That's my 10-minute warning from the friendly librarian so best be off. I'm going to buy sausages and orange juice and the papers, and lounge over hangover breakfast for the remainder of the afternoon. Ahhhhh, it's a good old life so it is.

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Quickly before something else breaks down!

2008-03-24T20:26:56+01:00

My poor wee laptop is on its last legs. Cramming this in quickly as poss before the bloody keyboard goes again

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There's an ominous smell coming from the fridge -

2008-03-09T17:10:40+01:00

- and I've emptied it and got halfway through cleaning it, but now I've sat down and can't be arsed getting up again, and I don't reckon it would be too far-fetched to just learn to live with the stench of stilton mutating into a whole new life form, and - NO!!! Get up off your fat arse, pour yourself another bowl of water and get ON with it!!!

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I said it!!!

2008-03-07T20:49:09+01:00

" - a hard time? No, you're getting on my tits actually, because everything I say you either can't hear me or you don't understand me, and I'm tired and I'm finding it irritating"

"Right, okay, bye then," muttered a pissed and sheepish Green-eyed Fisherman.

Gosh. Fancy that.

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I'm back!

2008-03-04T22:56:43+01:00

(What do you mean you never noticed I was away?)

The keyboard stopped working on Sunday night. Probably something to do with the cat sitting on it. I phoned my wonderful friend Martin tonight and he talked me through fixing it, and I am extreeeeeeeeeemely happy (and a bit tipsy). I'm going to bed with my book and a cheese toastie. Big smiley goodnight hugs!

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Quote of the day

2008-03-02T16:38:00+01:00

" - yes, but when you live here it makes you slightly more of a minger than other people, that's just the way it goes." (Occasional Houemate)

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Subtext: You are a twat.

2008-03-02T15:17:33+01:00

Dear Ms Midorikaeru

Position of Maintenance Operative

We refer to your application received at the office today, 9 May 2007.

We regret to advise that since the closing date for applications was 30 March 2007, the position has been filled.

We thank you for your interest in CFPA and wish you every success in obtaining appropriate employment.

Yours sincerely

etc.

(They didn't specify what they considered to be "appropriate employment" for somebody such as myself. I wonder...)

Okay. I reeeeeeeeeally am going to do some filing now...

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At attempt at poetry (is there no end to my procrastination skills..?)

2008-03-02T15:07:41+01:00

(Title..?)

Dog-eared and coffee stained,
last July's Ullapool News.
I mind reading it in the beer garden, waiting for the bus
the very first time I visited you.

It spent most of the summer in my rucksack;
came with us parting and camping and guerilla-gardening
and lying on the beach in each other's arms, feeling the summer,
grinning, smug as hell.

I circled all the building firms,
phoned 'em up looking for a job -
labouring; deskwork; any-bloody-thing they'd give me,
just to be near you.

And now... well, it's all changed
My life's here now
And suddenly I'm not too sure about you, but what to do
With last July's Ullapool News?

Fuckit.
Chuckit.
In the bucket

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And another fucking thing -

2008-03-02T13:57:23+01:00

- 30-odd copies apiece of Jobs North and Ullapool News, each with two relevant pages, tops; many with none? Any special reason why we're lovingly hoarding these, hmmmm? *prods former self with pointy stick and looks superior* Hmmmmmm..? Thought not.

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Hrrrrrrrgh part 3

2008-03-02T13:39:43+01:00

WHY, in the name of all that is fucking ridiculous, do I have the following:

- every single one of Estranged husband's bank statements for 2005-6?

- a receipt for a tub of bio-yoghurt from Tesco, totalling 59 pence?

- an Oor Wullie annual nestling in my "apprenticeship hunt" folder?

No wonder my mind is so untidy.

Onwards!

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Hrrrrrgh update

2008-03-02T12:57:44+01:00

The top layer of shite's not been too bad really... the summer's worth of paper-mess, so rejections from jobs I didn't want, nice friendly here's-your-new-card type letters from the bank, and countless (and I do mean countless) credit card reciepts from the pub in Achiltibuie. Probably a telling conclusion as to where all my money went in the summer, but no matter - on with the shite-sorting! Feeling slightly hysterical, and sure the haulage guys in the yard are exchanging "looks" at each whoop, exclamation and outburst of maniacal laughter; never mind. Hand me my shredder, for today there will be order in a wee corner of my life, oh yes!!!

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Hrrrrrrgh.

2008-03-02T11:27:30+01:00

I am going to attack my paperwork today. It is going to be grim - awful, in fact - documentary evidence of the last joyless, teeth-grinding, silent-screaming year of my marriage, compounded by the repeated decision - to shred, or not to shred? - required of somebody who's walked out of the bakers because her brain was simply unable to cope with the choice of pie.

Once I've done it, it will be done (and I'll be able to proceed to the next feat of organisation, oh lucky me!!!) If I just start, before I know it I'll be halfway through (not curled up on the bedroom floor chewing my face and emitting animal-noise, oh no!). Ohhhhhhh FUCK I hate being a grown-up sometimes!!!

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Decisions, decisions

2008-02-29T18:51:05+01:00

The washing's done and there's half an hour's daylight to hang it out. But there's a cat sitting on my shoulders purring away; we're having one of our rare moments of harmony in the post-rainstorm lull, and I'm loath to sling her off.

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Sorry, what?!?

2008-02-28T23:03:07+01:00

I just took a peek at a survey on MySpace. It had these questions in it (alongside, to be fair, some normal-ish ones).

5. What is your hairy doing today?

8. Have you ever had a black and white minstrel?

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wymondham who is be straight?

17. Last time you went to smoke Six Fags?

18. Do you have any toiletry paper in your house?

23. Last time you had someone cork for you?

28. Do you pick nose guitar?

42. What is the last thing you stuffed?

43. Did you ever drink Pepsi and Meths?

48. Last time you farted under a carpet?

49.do you have a black thing?

Can anybody pleeeeeeeeeease enlighten me as to how one goes about farting under a carpet..?

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